Craving a Closer Connection? 6 Ways to Build Intimacy

Craving a Closer Connection? 6 Ways to Build Intimacy

The honeymoon is over. This cliché is never a good thing to hear. It can be applied pretty broadly but has its roots in the belief that all relationships eventually “cool off.” This, of course, depends on how you perceive relationships overall.Like all human ventures, there is a feeling specific to the beginning of relationships. Our first mistake is to believe this vibe (or any vibe) is automatically permanent. Relationships, individuals, and intimacy all evolve. Change is most often a good thing. Without an openness to new ideas, behaviors, and perceptions, intimacy will fade.

What Causes Intimacy to Fade?

1. Silence

Intimacy cannot exist without healthy communication. If you let silence become your language of choice, more than your intimacy will fade.

2. Lack of Touch

Intimacy cannot exist without touch. Cuddling, holding hands, a shoulder rub—there is no limit to what falls under the umbrella of “healthy physical contact.”

3. Roommate Syndrome

Living together often makes us feel more like business partners than lovers—especially when children are in the picture. If laundry, soccer practice, and car repairs dominate your connection, you have work to do.

4. Fighting

Myth: Intimacy and conflict cannot coexist. We are complex beings. Relationships thrive on the fact that we are individuals. However, if we allow fighting to preempt intimacy, there is likely a deeper problem that needs attention.

6 Ways to Build Intimacy

1. Communicate

This topic was #1 on the above list. It’s back at the top here, too. We use spoken language to convey our feelings and state of mind. Without this avenue, it’s unreasonable to assume an intimate link can be maintained. Set aside time each day to communicate. Hone your skills. Be ready to listen.

2. Prioritize Oral

This doesn’t mean what you might think it does! Text, chat, and email are all fine. Face-to-face communication is where intimacy deepens. Tech messages can enhance that connection. But never allow non-verbal to become your method of choice.

3. Say No to Porn

Too much Internet pornography is now recognized as a public health crisis. It creates unhealthy sexual perspectives, leads to erectile dysfunction, and removes the imagination from the equation. Your brain is your hottest sex organ. Porn often numbs and negates its power.

4. Re-Imagine What Intimacy Can Mean

Sometimes this world also can steer us away from some of life’s most simple yet amazing pleasures. The value of sustained eye contact is as high as anything you do when aroused and naked. Make this part of your communication time. Talk about ways to heighten intimacy in everyday life.

5. Get Out of the Normal Routine

Where is it written that intimacy only happens in your bedroom? The Oakland area is home to some wonderful and romantic bed and breakfast-style inns. For example, The Bates House, International Casa, and the Bellevue Club are suggested getaways on many travel sites.

6. Make Intimacy a Top Priority

Intimacy is easily weakened when we do not focus on it enough. Lust often creates the first connection. But lust is often taken for granted. Try viewing your intimate life with the same daily focus as your financial life and see what happens.

Have You Considered Seeing Other People?

No…not in that way. Couples counseling not only builds intimacy, it’s a form of intimacy. You are your partner commit to weekly sessions or an all-day one time, VIP session—challenging, cathartic, connecting. You openly discuss your thoughts and feelings, learn to recognize patterns, and move forward as a couple. Therapy can teach and guide. Quite often, couples need a tune-up of sorts. Life pulls us in so many directions that we lose sight of our priorities. Couples counseling is where we can return to our roots in order to grow together in new ways.

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kelly@kellyjmontgomery.com
(888) 831-5221

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